


TCEST - Forgotten Conversations

by CeruleanBound



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Misunderstandings, Regret, Secrets, TMNT, Turtlecest, forgotten, tcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 01:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3917557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeruleanBound/pseuds/CeruleanBound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pairing: Raph & Donnie<br/>Summary: Raph only kisses Donnie when he's drunk<br/>Ages: Leo - 24, Raph - 23, Donnie - 22, Mikey - 21<br/>I don't own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles</p><p>Author Note: Turtles are not biologically related</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Donnie laid awake in bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark. Raph had gone out that night and based on how late it was, Donnie assumed he’d been drinking with Casey since he wasn’t back yet. Several minutes later, shuffling in the hall told him the red banded ninja finally returned home. Donnie heard the hall light switch on and glanced at the door to see the shadow of two feet darkening the other side. Donnie bit his lip and considered pretending to be asleep, but before he could decide, the door opened and Raph stumbled in.

“Donnie,” Raph slurred in a loud whisper and staggered unsteadily to the bed, “Ya awake?”

He closed his eyes briefly, and sighed, already regretting not faking sleep and sat up to look at his older brother. The emerald turtle sat down on the edge of the bed and grinned. He reeked of beer causing Donnie to wrinkle his beak in disgust. A part of him hoped tonight would be different, but the pattern seemed to be holding true.

“Hey Raph,” Donnie yawned to make it seem like he’d just been woken up, not waiting up all night, “You’re home late. What time is it even?”

It was 4:27 and Don knew it. It was always around 4:30 when this happened. Even in Raph’s inebriated state, he’d been punctual. The larger mutant waved his hand as if shooing the question away.

“I know s’late, but I had ta see ya,” Raph scooted closer and rubbed his hand affectionately over the blanket covering Donnie’s legs.

Donnie already knew the answer, but asked anyway, “Why?”

“Cause yer so cute,” Raph stated matter-of-factly, cupping the olive turtle’s cheek and brought their beaks together.

Donnie was expecting the response, but the kiss surprised him. His brown eyes widened and he fought the urge to kiss back. Unwillingly, he pushed Raph away and blinked rapidly. Raph seemed oblivious to Donnie’s rejection and continued rubbing Donnie’s leg.

“I love ya, Don,” Raph said, staring at him with piercing golden eyes.

Donnie’s heart fluttered but he kept his face emotionless. Raph didn’t mean it, after all. He’d never tell him something like that when he was sober. They’d had this conversation five other times in the past month and a half, yet nothing ever changed the following day. Raph would show up in his room around 4:30, drunk off his shell, confess his love to Donnie, and then he’d black out. The next day he’d be moody and ignore the genius turtle, their conversation erased by a drunken haze.

“You don’t mean that, Raph,” Donnie said gently although it hurt to say the words out loud.

“Sure I do,” Raph slurred, “I love ya and I want ya, Donnie-boy.”

Raph captured his lips in another kiss, pushing his tongue inside to battle with Donnie’s. Raph’s hands roamed over the genius turtle’s arms and shoulders. Donnie willed himself not to moan, but he was quickly becoming swept into the passion of the kiss. Suddenly, Raph pulled away and started suckling Don’s neck. Donnie closed his eyes and blocked out his conscience, allowing himself to enjoy the false attention for a little while.

Raph churred and dipped his hands under the blankets, traveling further south down Don’s plastron. Donnie opened his eyes in alarm and pushed Raph’s wandering hand away. They all knew that churring was the sound of arousal and no matter how badly he’d love to continue, it wasn’t right. Raph wasn’t in his right mind and Don couldn’t take advantage of him for his own gain.

“Al-Alright, Raph,” Donnie stammered, “Time to get you to bed.”

“But I’m comfortable right here,” Raph flirted, however, he allowed Donnie to climb out of bed and help him to his feet.

Donnie felt a flush of embarrassment heat his face and neck since Raph was seeing him without his gear. It’s not like they wore a lot of clothes during the day, but without their elbow pads, kneepads and mask, they were basically naked. Don reasoned against getting ‘redressed’ since he was only helping Raph to his room. He just hoped no one would leave their room to make a trip to the bathroom and see him nude.

He supported Raph down the hall until they were standing outside the hothead’s bedroom. Raph opened the door and pulled Donnie into the dark with him, leading them towards his hammock. Once they were a few feet into the room, Raph wrapped his arms around Donnie and pushed his beak into Don’s neck, inhaling deeply.

“Why do ya smell so good?” Raph asked curiously and sniffed him again.

The genius blushed in understanding. He’d noticed the change in Raph’s scent also but refrained from commenting on it. Now that he was thinking about it, though, the pheromones Raph was giving off were making him dizzy with desire. Raph tightened his arms around Donnie and stumbled backwards until they fell backwards onto the hammock together. The momentum from their fall led to them flipping the hammock and crashing to the floor below.

Donnie squeaked and Raph laughed as he stared into the surprised brown eyes. Raph didn’t seem to care that they were on the floor; he seemed too distracted having Donnie lying on top of him. With the position in Raph’s favor, he stroked his hands possessively over Don’s shell and cupped the olive buttocks. He kissed him passionately, again. Donnie scrunched his eyes closed and whined internally. This had to stop. Now.

“Raph, we should both go to bed, separately, in our own rooms,” Donnie clarified and then lamely added, “It’s really late and I’m tired.”

“’Kay, but I need some help first,” Raph wiggled his eye ridges and nodded to his gear.

The smaller mutant climbed off of his brother and kneeled next to him. He chewed his bottom lip and untied Raph’s elbow pads and kneepads, keeping his eyes averted from the turtle that was making him sweat. With Raph’s gear discarded, only his mask was left to remove. Donnie gulped and loosened the knot, slipping the red fabric off the emerald mutant’s face and folded it on the floor. The olive mutant blushed deeply after committing such an intimate act. He got to his feet quickly and helped Raph into his hammock, trying desperately not to gawk at his now naked brother.

“Goodnight, Raph,” Donnie whispered and frowned when he heard the hothead snore.

With a heavy sigh, he shut the door behind him and walked back to his own bedroom. Donnie reassessed their conversation, replaying the events and comparing them to previous meetings. Tonight had been almost identical; the only difference this time was the kiss – well the several kisses that ensued. A blush heated his face as he remembered the passion behind Raph’s lips when they crushed against his. The memory shot straight to his groin and he groaned, knowing it would be awhile before he would be able to actually get to sleep.

The olive turtle locked the door behind him and flopped down on his bed. With a moan he closed his eyes and rubbed his hands down his plastron, pretending the fingers groping him were emerald. He imagined it was the larger turtle stroking his hard member, making him churr with pleasure. After several minutes of fantasizing, his shame splashed across his platron and he panted heavily.

Donnie wiped himself off and covered up with his blanket. He tried to fall asleep but his mind wouldn’t stop returning to the single thought that had been occupying his mind since 4:30 that morning. Why did Raph only kiss him when he was drunk? Don desperately wished he could ask him, but he knew he couldn’t. This would be just another forgotten conversation. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Raph?” Leo’s voice called in annoyance, followed by loud knocking on the bedroom door, “You’re going to be late for practice.”

The pounding on the door resonated in the red banded turtle’s head and made him cringe. Raph squeezed his eyes tighter as he slowly came to consciousness. The first thing he noticed was the painful stab of a raging headache before a wave of nausea crashed inside him. With a groan, he covered his eyes with his hand and tried to ignore his oldest brother. He couldn’t remember the night before, but he must have been drinking pretty late with Casey to feel this sick.

In his disoriented, groggy state, he almost missed the foreign scent clinging to his clammy, emerald skin. The hung-over turtle gasped and jerked so fast, he fell out of his hammock and landed with a  _thud_  on the floor. His eyes widened and he suddenly felt sick for a different reason than the alcohol. He  _knew_ that scent. He often used that scent to help get himself off – covering his face with an old mask and fantasizing about the turtle it once belonged to.

“Raph, are you okay?” Leo’s asked, sounding worried, “Did you fall?”

“M’ fine, Fearless,” Raph called back in a voice that was much higher than normal.

Raph bit his lip and took another whiff of the sweet tantalizing scent that didn’t belong to him. Shame and disgust flooded him and he desperately wracked his throbbing head for any idea as to why Donnie’s scent was all over him. No matter how hard he strained to recall the previous night, his memory came up blank. Groaning again, he tried taking several deep breaths to calm himself, but the deep breathing only served to intoxicate him further with the alluring fragrance.

Maybe he went to Donnie when he got home…. maybe he forced himself on the genius…. Oh god! Had he raped him? Surly Don could fight him off, right?

Raph’s stomach churned violently as the disturbing thoughts assaulted his confused mind and he scrambled to his feet so fast his head spun. Ignoring the dizziness, he ran to the door and whipped it open to see Leo still standing there, mouth hanging open to lecture and hand raised to knock on the door again. Raph pushed past the leader and raced for the bathroom.

He just made it in time before forcefully heaving bile into the toilet. The acid burned his mouth and the stench stormed his nostrils. Raph closed his eyes tightly before vomiting for a second time. In that moment, he hated himself more passionately than he hated the Shredder. How could he have done that to his own brother?

He wasn’t even positive that’s what he’d done for sure… but he’d done something to get Don’s scent on him. Why Donnie? Why’d he have to abuse Donnie? The brother he protected from the world, he couldn’t protect from himself. The love he felt was dishonorable even if they weren’t truly related, and now he’d drunkenly acted upon those shameful feelings and taken advantage of the one creature he was irrevocably in love with.  

What if he hurt him? In his inebriated state, he wouldn’t have prepped the bō wielder enough to prevent tearing him… He was probably rough, too, impulsively acting upon sexual fantasies without consent. Raph moaned in self-loathing, embarrassment and disgrace. He clamped his eyes shut and leaned his forehead against the cooling porcelain. He must have come off as a monster, a drunken beast that didn’t give a shit about the beloved brainiac.

“Raph, just because you’re hung-over doesn’t mean you get out of training today,” Leo reminded him from the doorway, “Don, told me you were out drinking last night.”

Raph gasped and looked up at the blue banded turtle that was leaning against the doorframe watching him, beak wrinkled in obvious disgust. Did Donnie tell him what he’d done? Did Leo know about the shame he’d brought on their family? Or was Don too embarrassed to speak of the incident? Raph fought back the sob and threw up again.

“When you get done in here,” Leo said unsympathetically, “Meet us in the dojo. We’ll start without you, but you’ll have to stay later to finish the same amount of training.”

Raph nodded his head, refusing to meet the leader’s judgmental gaze. When he heard footsteps fading down the hallway, he flushed the toilet, greatly wishing it would dispel the odor along with the revolting slime. The sai master sat down against the wall and covered his face with his hands.   

Could he ever face Donnie after last night? No…Don probably hated him. Hell he wouldn’t blame him if he did, he hated himself. Raph deeply regretted his decision to go out drinking with Casey now. He usually did repent that choice because of how awful he felt the next day, but he’d never done something this bad before while under the influence.

The stench enveloping the bathroom was starting to sting his misting eyes and make his stomach quake again. Raph got to his feet unsteadily and washed his hands before quickly exiting the bathroom. Immediately the florescent lights made him wince and his head pounded unforgivingly. He snuck towards the kitchen to get a glass of water – he had the rid the repulsive taste from his mouth. The closer he got, the slower his steps became and the more anxious he felt.  

His brothers were in the dojo training, so attending practice was out of the question because he’d definitely see Don. At some point he’d have to apologize to the genius he violated, but he couldn’t fathom seeing him right now because those beautiful brown eyes would be full of pain and mistrust. He was a coward because he deserved to see that hate, but he couldn’t so Raph quickly retrieved his glass of water and a tube of crackers before heading back to his room.

He locked his bedroom door so Leo wouldn’t disturb him when he realized he was skipping training. Raph sat down in the corner of his room; he couldn’t imagine rocking in his hammock with as nauseated as he already felt.  Slowly sipping his water, he tried to ignore the pain flaring behind his eyes. The tough turtle whimpered and buried his face in his arms, finally allowing the held back tears to fall.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d sat there wallowing in agonizing guilt before the sound of knocking interrupted his depressing thoughts. Raph winced at the disruption and tried to ignore whoever it was on the other side of the door; he didn’t feel up to seeing anyone.

“Raph?”

Donnie’s sweet voice filtered into the room and made Raph’s breath hitch. Oh God. He was there to yell at him and demand an explanation for his lurid behavior. Or worse, cry… oh God what if he cried? Raph bit his lip and scrubbed his hand across his wet cheeks. He tainted their relationship and now he’d have to face Don’s wrath.

“Raph I need to talk to you, open up.”

Raph sighed despondently and got to his feet. He crossed the room and opened the door. His heart tightened when he saw Donnie standing in the doorframe…looking concerned. Wait, looking concerned?

“Are you okay?” Don asked, his eye ridges furrowing above his purple mask.

Raph’s mouth dropped open. Was  _he_  okay?

“Am I okay?” He asked in disbelief, “Are  _you_  okay?”

“I believe so,” Don replied, suddenly sounding uncertain.

“I – umm… I don’t really remember what happened last night when I got home,” Raph admitted awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck, shame brightly painting his emerald beak.

Don nodded, “I’m not surprised.”

Raph bit his lip and tried to explain but his voice cracked, “I ~ I’m so sorry Donnie.”

Don’s eyes widened and he reached out to squeeze Raph’s shoulder, “It’s okay Raph, it was a mistake.”

Raph flinched at the gentle touch and couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was okay? It was just a mistake that he’d  _r-raped_ Donnie.

“Don’t make it sound like it was nothing Don! You sh-should hate me, _I_  hate me.  I – I forced myself on ya and… and I – I violated ya in an unforgivable way. I’m so sorry,” Raph sobbed, unable to look at the olive turtle until he apologized again.

Don’s concerned expression melted into pure horror and he quickly held up his hands defensively, “Raph! Raph that’s not what happened. You just kissed me. You didn’t  _rape_ me! God, I’d never let that happen, and I know you’d never do that.”

Raph sniffled and blinked at the genius. He didn’t rape him? Suddenly a huge weight felt lifted. He wasn’t a monster. He didn’t hurt the turtle he loved more than anything in the world. He was so thankful and relieved that his nightmare had been wrong.

“You just kissed me,” Donnie repeated, staring at the floor and scuffing his toes against the cement, “You were really drunk, and I know you didn’t really mean anything by it.”

The sai wielder studied the bō master and felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He’d finally kissed Donnie and he didn’t even remember it! Even worse, Don didn’t think he’d wanted to kiss him. Maybe he regretted Raph drunkenly stealing his first kiss? The more he thought about it the more depressed he became.

Although, if Don thought it was an accident, then things didn’t have to be weird between them… well as not weird as ‘accidentally’ drunkenly kissing your brother can be. Raph swallowed hard and nodded when Donnie looked back up at him.

“Yeah, it didn’t mean anything,” He lied, "I'm really sorry Don."

Don nodded again and resumed looking at the floor, “Well… I just came to check on you because Leo said you were pretty sick this morning, and then you didn’t show up for practice. I was worried.”

“It’s just a bad hang-over,” Raph shrugged, “I’ll be okay.”

Don offered a small smile, “Well, I guess I’ll see you at dinner then? Mikey’s making lasagna.”

“Yeah, I’ll see ya then,” Raph agreed and punched the purple ninja’s shoulder.

Don chuckled at the awkward playful gesture and turned to walk back to his lab.

“What if I did mean somethin’ by the kiss?” Raph whispered miserably and sighed just as Don disappeared around the corner, “What if I kissed ya because I love ya?”

Shaking his head, he locked himself back in his room and leaned against the door. Raph closed his eyes, inhaling and exhaling slowly as he fantasized about the forgotten kiss. Don’s lips were probably so soft. He wondered if they used tongue. Damn, he wished he could at least remember it.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a few weeks since Raph’s last night visit. As far as Don knew, the red banded ninja hadn’t been going out drinking with Casey because of the previous incident. The olive turtle tried to convince himself that it was a relief, but he hadn’t imagined it would hurt so badly when Raph confirmed the kiss didn’t mean anything – it was just the alcohol he’d been acting on.

Don laid his head down on the desk and continued tapping the keyboard with one finger, absently listening to the clicking. Ever since he confirmed with Raph what happened that night, the emerald mutant was avoiding him. He still couldn’t believe what Raph thought happened between them! The red banded ninja had almost as wild an imagination as Mikey!

Although, maybe he’d jump to the same conclusion if he woke up smelling another’s scent on himself and couldn’t remember the night before… The purple ninja’s neck heated when he remembered the pheromones  _he_ was giving off in response to Raph’s scent of arousal.  Donnie groaned and clamped his eyes shut.

“Uh – Don?”

The olive mutant jerked upright and spun in his swivel chair to see the last turtle he expected to interrupt him. Raph was standing half in the lab and half out of the doorway like he couldn’t wait to leave. Don nodded to acknowledge his brother and waited. The emerald turtle shifted uncomfortably and actively avoided making eye contact.

“Leo says ta get ready fer patrol,” Raph rushed out, staring at his hand as he fidgeted with his wrist guard.

“Okay, thanks for letting me know,” Don offered a small smile.

Golden eyes flickered up to meet brown before just as quickly darting away, “No problem.”

The bō master watched as the sai wielder left, feeling his heart clench slightly when the older mutant’s burly form disappeared around the corner. He let out a sigh and massaged his temples. Why did things have to be so weird between them now? It was just a kiss! Don frowned; maybe Raph was mad that he’d wasted his first kiss on him? Even if he was upset, it’s not like he remembered it anyway. He could just pretend it didn’t happen…

Don spun back around to save his document, having first to delete the line of “j’s” he’d been inattentively typing before Raph interrupted. With the computer powering down, Don exited his lab and went to get ready for the night topside. As he passed the living room, he was surprised to see Mikey and Leo hanging out on the couch together. Leo was chuckling at something the youngest said and grinning widely – which was strange since the leader was usually meditating up until the minute they left for patrol. The serious turtle didn’t laugh very much – feeling the burden of responsibility even more since they’d grown older and accumulated more enemies – but Mikey did have the uncanny ability to get a chuckle out of anyone even during their most stressed times.

The purple ninja stopped in his bedroom to grab his bō staff and shell cell before heading to the bathroom. As he passed Raph’s room, he couldn’t help but glance inside and remember the last time he’d gone into that room he'd ended up on top of the red ninja in the most provocative of positions. Don felt his beak flush slightly as the memory of his brother’s hands petting and groping his buttocks flooded his mind.

With a shake to clear his head of the naughty thoughts forming, Donnie hurried to the bathroom. He told himself he shouldn’t let his mind wander to entertain those kinds of fantasies. Raph didn’t feel that way… and he shouldn’t… they were raised as brothers even if they weren’t biologically related. The brainiac sighed and wondered for the umpteenth time what was wrong with him for feeling the way he did toward the sai wielder.

When he got to the end of the hall, the bathroom door was closed. The olive turtle frowned but didn’t have to wait long before he heard the toilet flush and the sound of the faucet turning on and off. Moments later the door opened and Raph almost walked into him. Golden eyes grew wide and he flinched. Just as quickly, the older turtle moved his hand to scratch the back of his neck nervously and averted his eyes.

“Little jumpy?” Don asked teasingly, hoping to lighten the mood.

Raph blinked, watching him pass and hurriedly replied, “No.”

Don nodded, unconvinced, and sighed when he closed and locked the door. He’d have to figure out some way to talk to Raph so this weird behavior would stop. He’d been feeling so lonely lately. Usually he spent most of his social time with Raph; sure he interacted with Mikey and Leo, but with Raph they could talk so easily in the garage when they worked on their vehicles. Donnie had recently noticed Mikey and Leo were forming a closer bond, spending much more time together than they had in the past, so with them occupying more of each other’s time the genius turtle felt very left out.

When he was finished in the bathroom, he joined the rest of his family in the living room. The clan of mutants headed topside in silence, weaving through the sewer tunnels until they reached the first manhole cover and ascended to the world above. Leo emerged first, quickly trailed by Mikey, and the two climbed the fire escape to the roof. Don followed after Raph and once they were all huddled, Leo explained their patrol plan.

“Mikey and I will take the North side of town. Raph, you and Don take the South side. We’ll meet back here at 1 o’clock. Call if you run into trouble,” Leo stated calmly, nodding to both his brothers and then took off after the youngest ninja who was running and cheering enthusiastically about finally getting to stretch his legs.

Don watched them leaving then glanced apprehensively at Raph whose expression could almost be described as wooden. The bō master felt his heart sink when he realized the emerald turtle was disappointed being stuck with him. He frowned deeply and followed after Raph who hadn’t wasted time running to the rooftop ledge and preparing to jump to the next. It wasn’t a surprise after that that much of their night was spent in an awkward silence, neither knowing how to break the tension that formed between them several weeks ago.

“I’m sorry,” Donnie finally mumbled when they took a break to catch their breath.

They had been patrolling for over an hour and a half, but so far only busted up a few drug deals and saved a woman from being mugged. Don sat down on the rooftop ledge and swung his feet, refusing to look at the turtle he felt he owed an apology. His body tensed slightly when he heard Raph move and sit next to him. Despite Raph’s choice to sit near him, he’d left a good two feet between them.

“What? What are  _you_  sorry for?” Raph asked in disbelief, surprise ringing clear in his gruff voice.

“You’re mad that I was your first kiss. But you can just pretend it didn’t happen. It’s not like you remember it anyway,” Donnie mumbled, suddenly he felt tears pricking his eyes and panicked – he could  _not_  cry in front of Raph, not about this!

“I’m not mad at ya Donnie,” Raph reassured quickly, “I’m mad at mahself fer stealing  _your_  first kiss.”

Don let out a shaky breath and willed the traitor tears not to fall. He wished he could explain how he was feeling but what if Raph rejected him? Called him disgusting? Or worse… what if he laughed? He’d confirmed the kiss hadn’t meant anything when Donnie told him he’d made a drunken mistake. Don chewed his lip and looked down at the ground.

“I’m sorry, Don,” Raph said sincerely, “I wish I could take it back.”

Those words ripped through the brainiac’s heart and he let out a strangled sound that he wished  _he could take back_. The pained noise didn’t go unnoticed by the sai wielder who quickly scooted closer and hesitantly cupped his cheek so he could turn Don’s head and look into his eyes. Golden eyes widened in confusion when he saw the younger male’s were swimming with tears.

“Donnie?”

Don quickly turned his head away from Raph and stood up, walking away to put several feet of distance between them before he stopped. He crossed his arms over his plastron and rubbed his biceps like he was suddenly cold. How would he explain? Why was he even getting this emotional? Another tear trickled down his face and he scrubbed it away, angry with himself for not having more control. He was ruining everything!

“Donnie, I’m sorry,” Raph repeated, the sound of his approach faltering after his apology.

“Stop,” Don choked out and squeezed his eyes shut, “Stop saying you’re sorry.”

Raph was silent for a few moments, but before he had time to say anything else Don gave in. There was no point hiding it anymore. His stupid break down left him no way to lie his way out of explaining the sudden burst of sadness.

“I know it was a mistake… but – maybe – maybe I’m not sorry you stole my first kiss,” He whispered, too afraid to turn around and see the disgust painting the emerald turtle’s face.

“Don, I –,” Raph started but fell silent.

“I wish you’d stop ignoring me – these past two weeks have been so lonely! I get it you’re disgusted you kissed me. It didn’t mean anything to you… but – but maybe it meant something to me and… never mind…I wish you’d just stop apologizing. I already forgave you. Just forget it happened and go back to how you used to treat me.”

“Donnie I can’t go back to how I used ta treat ya…” Raph stated quietly.

“Why not?” His question came out a lot whinier than he intended as he turned around to face Raph, even if his face was streaming with embarrassing tears, he needed to know why things couldn’t be the same again.

“Cause it meant somethin' ta me too… well it would've if I could remember it,” The older mutant gave an embarrassed smile and closed the space between them.

His right hand came up to brush away the lingering tears, gently thumbing away the sadness and stroking the soft olive skin beneath. Raph's smile was soft and ... relieved? Donnie chewed his lip, eyes wide in confusion. Raph told him it hadn’t meant anything… why was he now saying it did?

As if reading his mind, Raph explained, “I told ya it didn’t mean anything because I thought ya didn’t want it to mean anything. I’d give anything ta remember it. I’ve tried for weeks now.”

Don inhaled sharply; his mind was racing just as fast as his heart was when Raph leaned in closer. Their beaks were  _so_ close now he could feel Raph’s breath tickling him. The olive turtle blinked rapidly as he listened to the emerald turtle's confession then closed his eyes and waited. This was it! Raph was going to kiss him again. But this time on purpose! Much to his dismay the impending kiss didn’t come and after a few seconds he opened one eye to peak at the older male.

“Remind me?” Raph asked quietly.

The brainiac turtle opened his eyes fully and stared at the stronger mutant. Golden eyes begged him to consent to the kiss, probably since the first was taken without. Don nodded slowly and leaned in, brushing his lips against Raph’s. The sai wielder moaned immediately at the light touch and awkwardly wrapped his arms around the smaller mutant to bring him closer, pressing their beaks together more forcefully. Don swiped his tongue across Raph’s lips to ask for permission, which Raph granted and moaned again when Don’s tongue invaded his mouth.

The kiss was a little clumsy but they took their time, letting their tongues explore the new territory. While their mouths were busy, Raph brought his hand to the back of Don’s head and looped his fingers in the purple mask tails. Donnie hummed happily and leaned into Raph’s plastron, his hands coming up to Raph's face. Don smiled internally; this kiss was much better than their first couple, much longer as well, and he didn’t feel compelled to stop it like he needed to the previous times.

He wished the moment could last forever, and knew by the way Raph was hungrily kissing him, the feeling was mutual. Unfortunately, their lungs were burning for air so they reluctantly parted. Panting harshly, they leaned back a little to look at each other; a bright blush covered both of their green faces. Donnie smiled shyly and tried to fix his mask which had been pulled down by the larger mutant playing with it.

“Wow,” Raph whispered in awe and pierced Don with a look that caused the younger turtle to blush darker and look away, “That – that was way betta than I imagined it’d be. I – I … Donnie yer so amazing… can I kiss ya again?”

The olive turtle grinned wider as he looked into bright eyes that gleamed with excitement. He nodded and Raph’s mouth was instantly on him again, this time wasting no time pulling him flush to his plastron and stroking his carapace as they made out under the stars. Don felt like he was melting now that Raph was taking the more dominant role he’d fantasized about. It was a good thing the emerald turtle’s strong arms were wrapped around him because he was feeling the cliché weak in the knees.

“God, how could I forget this?” Raph panted and buried his face in the crook of Donnie’s neck to inhale the delicious scent rolling off his skin, “How could I forget how perfect this is? How amazing ya feel in mah arms.”

Donnie chuckled stupidly and covered his eyes with his hand. He never imagined Raph to be so mushy – it was embarrassing him but at the same time his heart felt ready to explode with joy. The night had definitely taken a different turn than he originally thought it would when he apologized.

“Did we use tongue the first time?” Raph questioned and stroked Don’s cheek adoringly.

The younger mutant ran his hands down the larger’s plastron and explained, “Not the first time. But the second and third time you did.”

“I kissed ya three times?” Raph gasped.

Don nodded and wrapped his arms around Raph, leaning his head against the older mutant’s shoulder as he confessed quietly, “It was really hard to stop you from kissing me that second and third time because I wanted to keep kissing you so badly.”

“Oh really?” Raph snorted, “What about the first time?”

Don looked up and rolled his eyes at the cocky smirk playing across Raph’s lips, “The first time I was too surprised to comprehend what happened.”

Raph chewed his lip apologetically and tipped the younger turtle’s face up again so he could press another gentler kiss to his beak. When a moan issued from the olive mutant Raph deepened the kiss. Don would have loved to stay like this, exploring each other in this new way for the rest of the night, but right as Raph’s fingers relooped in his mask tails, his shell cell rang.

Donnie whined and pulled away from the burly mutant. He fished out his shell cell and flipped it open. The bō master tried to control his labored breath and answered, “Hey – Leo.”

_“Hey Don. Are you guys okay?”_

Donnie frowned, “Yeah – we’re fine… why?” _“_

_"We agreed to meet back up at 1 o’clock. Where are you guys?”_

Brown eyes widened when he realized they were late and he glanced at Raph who was watching him carefully, “We’re on our way.”

Hanging up and placing the shell cell back in his belt, Donnie turned his attention back to the turtle he’d been kissing. Raph nodded in understanding and they started running across the rooftops, heading back to where they split up from Mikey and Leo several hours earlier. When they were half way back, Raph skidded to a stop. Don raised an eye ridge and also stopped, back tracking slightly to see if he was okay.

“Where do we go from here?” Raph asked almost apprehensively.

“That way,” Donnie pointed in the direction they were heading.

Golden eyes rolled to the sky, “I know that genius. Where do we go from here… with us?”

“Oh…” Don chewed his lip, “Well… Leo and Mikey shouldn’t know… they wouldn’t understand…”

Raph nodded in agreement, frowning slightly and scuffed his toes against the concrete while he waited for Don to continue. For a while they were both silent. It was clear to the younger ninja that Raph didn’t want to give up what they’d just started. Don didn't want to give it up either, but unfortunately, they also couldn’t risk their family finding out. Who knows what would happen if that happened? What would Master Splinter say? What would Leo and Mikey think? What would it do to their team?

“This can just be our little secret?” Donnie finally decided and whispered hopefully.

Raph stared at him for a moment before a small smile spread across his lips and he nodded in agreement. Feeling a flood of relief, the olive ninja closed the space between them and claimed one last kiss before they met up with the rest of their family. When they reached the rooftop where the other two ninjas were waiting, Raph told a believable lie about the reason they were late, and thankfully it wasn't questioned. After listening to Leo and Mikey's eventful patrol, the family headed back to the lair.   
  
As they walked through the sewer tunnels, Mikey was buzzing with excitement about a new comic coming out and talking Leo's ear off about the plotline. Although Leo wasn't very interested in comics anymore, he seemed to enjoy talking about it with Mikey. The emerald and olive turtles hadn't spoken much since they rejoined their brothers, but when Raph turned back and winked at him, Don grinned happily. They'd have to be careful to keep their 'secret' from the rest of the family, and normally this would cause the genius a lot of stress, but Don couldn't help but feel relieved about the way everything worked out. At least these kisses wouldn’t be forgotten and neither would their conversation. Raph was finally his and he couldn't be happier. 


End file.
